Skepticism?

I can say that I am most skeptical towards a situation that doesn't have a good start. And if there is a handful of people who think the same way I do, MAYBE there is something wrong? I dunno. And because I've been through the same thing, I just cannot make myself believe in that anymore. It's like... you've made a mistake in your past and when you see your friend going through a pretty similar situation, it's normal for you to want to prevent your friend from making the same mistake. At least that's how I feel. Done ranting.

The Church

One of the misconception that most people have is... the church is only for the "perfect and holy" ones. Sinless. Successful. Let me tell you. The people inside the church is just as sinful as the people outside. No, we are not any less sinful than those who doesn't go to church/believe in God. The church is where the liars, gossipers, thieves and selfish hypocrites are. We are way too far from being perfect but you see, the beauty of it is that God loves us all the same! It is the liars, gossipers, thieves and selfish hypocrites that Jesus died for on the cross. If you don't believe in God and you're reading this, possibly been hurt by one of the Christians, I apologize. Sometimes we don't know why we do the things we do but trust me, not all Christians are what you think. We mess up because we're just humans. One thing I can assure you, men will fail but God never fails. Accepting Him into my life is the best decision I've made and I don't regret any moment. Sure, He doesn't promise a good and easy life, but He promised to always be there and help us when the bad happens. You can always count on Him. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33

Transparent

I've always liked the idea of being transparent about my life to people around me. I mean, I don't like to lie and pretend like everything is going fine when they ask "how are you?". I'm full of doubts and mistakes just like most people. I call myself a Christian but I don't always do what Christians should be doing. Without myself realizing it, I judge people and I find it hard to forgive sometimes. Everyone has a different story to tell. Everyone has a battle to fight. Sometimes I look at people on the streets and I wonder what kinda problem they're facing...maybe bigger than mine. "When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you." Recently, I've been feeling very disappointed and frustrated to the point where I have no choice but to come to God and pour out to Him. For a few nights I cried myself to sleep. And as each time I pour out to Him, I feel more liberated. I needed the conversation. I needed to hear those words. "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:13-14 The fact that God sees my most inner being (probably where I place some of the things that I try to hide) and yet still accepts me... it calms me. It's like finding myself again but this time, in a new place. I don't know. I'm just as lost. "Close your eyes this time, cause trust will be your light tonight" Grey is necessary. I don't know what the future holds. I certainly do not know what He has in store for me. But one thing I'm sure, I'm in good hands. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11 I see things a blur now but maybe someday I'll see things in a bigger picture. =) He is good.

Revived

Wow. Reading the previous posts on this blog really inspired me and I felt like it wasn't me who wrote 'em. So many wise words they're so fresh to me it feels like I was writing to my future self. But here I am, back to square one. Tryna get back up again...

Future of Forestry - Slow Your Breath Down : Travel 3 Tour Rehearsal in LA

This chest is full of memories

Of gold and silver tears

I’ll give you more to own than

All of this

And I’ll give you more than years

For you were once a child of innocence

And I see you just the same

Your burdens couldn’t win or

Lose a thing

Oh, I’d tell you once again

But you’re always on the run

 

Slow your breath down

Just take it slow

Find your heart now, oh

You can trust and love again

Slow your breath down, just take it slow

Find your smile now, oh

You can trust and love again

 

If you leave I’ll still be close to you

When all your fears rain down

I’ll take you back a thousand times again

I’ll take you as my own

I would sing you songs of innocence

‘Til the light of morning comes

‘Til the rays of gold and honey cover you

In the sweetness of the dawn

But you’re always on the run

 

You’re not alone

You’re now a part of me

You feel the cure

I’ll feel the toil it brought you

"you can trust and love again" =)

another song that speaks to me.

i can't even explain.

Traveler's song - Future of Forestry

Wait, stay here and have a drink of time

Wait, before you split yourself in two

There’s time for you

 

If you travel here, you will feel it all

The brightest and the darkest

If you travel here, listen to your heart

And take with you what last forever

 

Sleep, and dream the dream of when you fly

See through traveler’s eyes who want to give

To love and give

Just when I feel that time is running out, the lyrics spoke to me like no other.

"Wait, stay here and have a drink of time"

I love to hear the honesty in his voice as he sings every word in every song.

I feel that there are so much more behind every song written that makes me wanna figure out what really inspired them.

Indecisiveness

Cut the long story short, I applied for a job(which I think is suitable for me) in KL.
Waiting for the email reply/call is such a pain. A person asked, "what's your back up plan?" Well, I have a job interview as a graphic designer in KK some time next week. But...I really(REALLY) hope I get the job in KL. =(

What else I can do but to surrender it all to God.. and hope for the best.



On the other hand, I don't know whether I should continue to hold on to this. or let go. FRUSTRATING. oh come on give me a sign already! =((